Late one stormy night while digging around in a friend’s attic, I found this gem of a 45 buried amongst discarded lamps and chairs, antique paintings of old ships, a static electricity ball, and a map that supposedly leads to One-Eyed Willie’s legendary record collection. One-Eyed Willie, for those that don’t know, was the most prolific record collector that Astoria, Oregon has ever known. Sure, this record’s a little beat up, but if what the map tells me is true, underneath the hideout of an evil family of escaped convicts lies One-Eyed Willie’s legendary lost 45 collection. I can imagine the adventure I might have as me and my rag-tag gang of friends out-wit Mama Derringer’s goons, befriend her giant, deformed, candy-loving son Rick, and discover the basement where One-Eyed Willie died the lonely death of any true collector, still clutching a photo of the girl that let him feel her up in high school.Whatever, I probably won’t bother since I got this new 45 to go home and listen to. I don’t even know what kind of shit that dude was into. Now hit play below, and be sure and do a good job gluing the penis back onto that statue. "Glycerine Queen"
